If I don't look at my bills, then things will get shut off. In the past two months, my gas AND my water has been turned off. And as much as I hate those reconnection fees, it just never seems to sink in. When they shut off AT&T, they charge 30.00 PER SERVICE to reconnect. You would think paying 90 would be some sort of motivation, right? There's a reconnect fee when I have to turn my cell phone back on. There's always a fee when you pay something late. Sometimes it's 5.00 sometimes 45! How much could I save by just paying things on time? And yes, sometimes it really is an issue of not having the money, but more often than not, it's not.
I'm really busy. Two jobs, 12 Steps, Kid, House, Pets and everything that all those things entail And now I'm in a relationship. So I've really convinced myself that I have no time to do a budget. no time to sit down, even once per week and just look at what I owe. It's like my brain is split in two. One side would really rather not be running around going nuts trying to pay things at the last minute. That side is desperate to be organized and financiallyl sound. Then the other side just can't seem to do it. Refuses to do it. Sabotages me in every aspect of my life. I hate that side but I can't seem to get away from it.
What I've done: I've got a Flexible Spending Card from Work for medical bills. Every year, I don't send in receipts and they block my card. It's been blocked since December. I had to cancel my kids Orthodontist appointment because I didn't have any money but I've got $1100.00 on this card just waiting to be used. And I couldn't because it's blocked. So yesterday I got online, I looked and there were three claims in need of receipt substantiation. I called and got a reciept and faxed it in today for 1. I called a 2nd and they said they actually owed a credit to the card and would put that through. The 3rd receipt is in my basement and I know exactly where it is. I can get that done tomorrow.
It's not like my child is in harms way, but if I had had that card unblocked, and it was only 3 receipts, I could have takne her when I was off work, Now I can't. And my brain immediately washes away blame. My brain immediately takes away any responsibility. It's just gone. It is what it is, it's not my fault. It's not my responsibility. Nothing is EVER a result of my irresponsibility. I am clean and shiny and blameless. I am like teflon and everything slides off of me.
I hate being this way and I hate my life right now.
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